My lil intro

Lol so I have prolly bored you all with my sad sob stories but not come the good stuff my next post will be about one of my many adventures. I have to decide which one I will start with....

Love lost

For so long I have ran away from love and now that I have stopped running from love, love is running away from me. When love reared it's ugly face I would run as if I was running away from a burning building never looking back. I don't know if it was becasue I was young and was enjoying my sexual explorations and flirtatious ways...being attractive enough to have any guy..why settle for anything but the best. But I realized the best are doing the same, looking for the next best thing to be their trophy. After years of turning down guys invitations to love, romance and a wonderful relationship, I now seek it but not at the expense of having to settle for less than I deserve, I don't need someone rich or hella attractive. I just want them to be for me through the good the bad and the ugly moments....I can be unpleasant at times but who isn't????? I need that one dude that's gonna be there and have my back and be a man when i need him to be. I'm willing to open up and love the right one when they come along...I am no damn saint and have done my share of bad things in my younger days but now that I am older I look at that stuff and laugh and I want them to laugh at I with me. A lot of guys that want to be with make a lot of promises and say they will do this and that but I don't need all that, just be yourself and if it's meant to be it will be. Till this day I have dudes that will drop da draws if I wanted them to or would be my boyfriend with one call, I may sound conceited but I'm not. Sooo in ending this I want to apologize to all the guys and girls I have deceived and left hoping for something for somethig that would never be. I now know how it feels...I tell dudes all the time just cus I'm cute don't mean I'm everyones cup of tea...and everyone is not for me. Nonetheless inwill keep my hopes up because I'm gonna catch love and never let it go.

No no not you but him

As I lay in my bed and my mind wonders around on as how to relate this blog to my title....so here goes nothing. Have you ever wanted one guy but when he not giving you the attention that you want, you drift off to other perspectives. But you realize that these other perspectives are not him nor do they make you feel the way he does. So a couple of weeks ago I went on a horrible date and the guy said that he didn't want to see me no more when we parted but later that night he texted me and asked when was he going to see me again????? I don't know if I should give him a second chance, he said some shitty stuff and is very impatient... But anyway I drifted, and a week later I met sexual chocolate...very nice man doing his thing, funny, cute, nice body from the pictures and everything is cool but like I don't ever hear from him....wassup with that? Who knows and in a few days who cares, side note my roommate is cute as hell lol.... Ok back... so since I really haven't been talking to sexual chocolate I been trying to rebuild friendships with some of the guys from my past. I really want to work on my friendship with T, he was really special...funny, annoying, sexy, and as long as we were together I felt myself becoming a better person. He opened my eyes and my heart, but I was afraid to love him or show him that I liked him. I can honestly admit that I am gay but when it comes to relationships with men I have a fear they will turn out for the worse. I think after talking to him he realized how serious I was about him, because we had stopped talking for a few months and we almost talk all the time. I hope things work out and are productive between us , even if it is just a friendship. The first time we kissed was the last time we kissed, but I blame that on me... I should have been more aggressive. I try to be aggressive with the guys I talk to now buT it just turns out to be nagging, and I hate nagging. As I'm writing this blog I'm thinking about him...

The outing that went bad

As I walk back to my train I wonder was this trip worth it ? Was going to see the same movie twice worth it? Was being aggravted until my head hurt? No No Noooooo.... It definately wasn't. First of allllll I passed up possibly going out with boys for a wonderful night in the city drinks music ect. all to meet this guy from bgc lol I kid myself by thinking that bgc has anything remoty interesting that will ever hold my attention. But here goes, his name for this blog will be dancer boy so he asks me a few days ago to go out today to see a scary movie and since I already been out this week to see everythig I said hey what the hell why not see it in 3D lol. The movie was still wack but this boy was too much, too affectionate for the first meeting or outing cus it definatywas not a date. He first of all was over dramatic for no reason it was like taking a girl to the movies, he took his shoes off and got comfortable and throughout the movie he had his feet on me and reached over and tried to hold my hand. He didn't try but he was holding my hand itried to brush it off without being rude but I said hey what the hell just watch the movie it's almost over. After the movie was over we walked to his car and he started saying where do you want to go for dessert so I replied I don't know, I don't know what's around here. That set it off he started going in lol he was like I don't understand how you can't decide on where to go for dessert, he said I do not have a take charge personality and I just roll with wind. I did not deny that I am the type to roll with the wind but only for a little while. I don't think I was at all interested in him when he said he works two jobs so that he can shop. Guys like him don't hold my attention for long because hey have no drive to make their lives better than a superficial temporary adjustment of their out of control life. I am what I ask for in a guy, drive and ambition, I can't date someone that works two jobs to just spend money, who thinks volunteering for free is not interesting. This leads me to belive that I have figured out why I am or have been single for so long these guys have no substance no drive no abition no dreams. Dream killers are not for me, and as I sit here in the path station I regret coming here this guy was too much for me emotionally. He did not understand that I am not the type of person to hold hands in a scary movie, i am not used to a guy being inbetween my legs whilE in public. I'm not used to that from a guy I just met and started talking to a few days before now. I'm not even too affectionate with people or guys that I have known for years, it's just not me. Which he had a hard time comprehending and thought that there was something wrong with me. He was at a loss for words because he could not understand me, which no one can. To understand me you would have to be patient and willing to learn and not quick to judge. This outting is the last one for a while, I will take my chances with meeting someone in a club or something, maybe even at school, who the hell knows. Maybe I did it on purpose, make him not like me subconciously maybe I didn't like him from the moment I met him. Maybe I should have been blunt and rude as I can sometimes be when forced to be, but being rude is unlady like lol and too add on, I am a nice man that is tolerant. But if anyone that reads this knows a decent guy that is attractive and has the qualities of a possible partner that would be a match with me leave a comment asap lol..... Just kidding.....

Question to the reader....how do you define an adult, what is an adult, how do you know you are an adult?

Boys boys boys

It was a little strange to hear someone beg to see me as if it was their last dieing wish or someone offer to suck my dick just to see me. I never thought I could be or would be that important to people....well guys in particular. So last night I went on a midnight date to see Halloween 2, it's a waste of money get it on bootleg. The guy I went with is cool but I doubt we will be more than good friends, we dated for a while in the begining of the year and things looked promising but he got a little too attached. Whenever we would go out and I get ready to drop him off at home he never wanted to get out of the car. We would sit there for hours sometimes talking or just in silence, he did most of the talking. I never knew that he liked me until one night he asked me for a kiss and at firsti was hesitant, not because he had bad breath but because I didn't this kiss to make things complicated between us. So I gave him the kiss because he wasn't getting out without it lol. Sad to say that was the last time I saw him up until last night. The time apart help me seperate myself from, but last night I seen that he still has feelings for me. Was I wrong for neglecting him before?????? By the way HE also is younger and his friends be trying to talk to me and he is a total bottom. He offered to suck my dick just to see me.....so what should I do?

My first blog

This is my first blog so it may be kind of boring but I do hope it will get better. Someone talked me into doin this so I am going to see how this goes. Oh and by the way I'm not a girl I just chose Mary poplins because it's what popped in my head while creating this.