Aduation part

Ok so the last post I left off talking about my dad and how I was u decided on how to make him feel bad lol. But anyway I feel like graduating is taking me to the next level in my life not only am I graduating froM school but I'm graduating in life on to the next chapter and new adventures and experiences. It's time to let go of my baggage from the past wand move on as far as love and success is concerned. No more childhood crushes time to get with real people that are about progression and not into the same old same. I mean of course I'm going to party and get wild for a little bit before I get serious 6 years of books I need like a month of non stop partying lol. I'm kinda excited I just found out I got another neice, damn my brothers don't be playing lol they gonna leave a legacy like my father lol.
Maybe I will get a kid in the next few years lol who am I kidding me and kids do not get along lol. But I'm proud of my brothers they out and their own doing what they need to and I'm gonna tell them that when I see them. Everyone always putting them down a few words of enccouragement should do them well.

Graduation

Yayyyyyy a month away is graduation, I have been through so much to get to this point and I pretty much did it with me, myself, I and GOD. There has been a small micro bit of help from my family, mostly motivation, hey beggers can't be choosers lol. So there is no invitation limit to the grad ceremony but I have been thinking that I don't want my father there or around me that day I don't know if it's just me being shady but I don't use my father like that. I'm kind stuck, because I don't know if I should invite him so he can see how much I have done without him or not invite him and have everyone else come, it's a hard decision because my father has put me through hell these last six yrs and I tried to make things good with him but it has never worked. We don't even speak for several reasons besides him givinge hell. Ok so I'm on the bus and I'm getting motion sickness so I will finish this in another post later.

Random

So since my last post I lost my car in an accident that has flipped my little world upside down. I'm not going to go into details about the accident because as you "see" I am still alive. There are some god things and bad thin s that has come from the accident, the bad being I lost my car, which was my life or part of my life. It allowed me to be free and now I feel like a caged bird rely on people, one thin I truly dislike. I guess there are several things that has been good about losing my car...starting with exercise, lol I didn't ever see much of it when I was drivng but now besides walking to class I'm walking everywhere from school to the bus to the train to my house and vice versa. Before the accident I would of told you I don't walk lol. This experience Was very stressful because it reminds me so much of when I was a freshman in school, I know no not to take things for granted and appreciate things more. I have learned to take public transportation, it's not the best but it helps get me where I need to be. Also I realize how many people disappear when you don't have a car but my true friends are still there which speaks volumes. At first I wanted to jump off of a bridge but taking one day at a time has helped me get through it. I don't shop as much, no more fast food....well if it's not within walking distance. Since I am graduating next month I guess it's not that bad, it only will be bad when I get job offers, I guess all I can do is leave it up in the hands of GOD. Lol without my car my love life and sex life has went from barely existing to not existing at all, but that's not a bad thing....my thoughts are pure, clear and free, something they havenot been in a long time. I use to worry about love and when my next relationship will happen but now I don't care I have to worry about bigger things. I thing I will be getting into the city more to do shopping since icant really get to the malls in jersey, my shopping habit has subsided as well I have started to find a meaning to my life. I guess there is more good than bad in this situation and better things to come.

How much is too much?

Recently I have been rekindling old flames from the past since nothing else seems to work....and I see why some of those flames went out in the first place. Any of the new guys that I met in the last few months I have stopped talking to, why you ask??? Who the hell knows, some of them had potential and others had personalities that I knew would not work well with mine someday. So like I said before I dug out the old black book and started going out with a few guys from my past... I will do seperate post for each one with details of what happened but for now I am going to start backwards and go with the most recent. Jay and I first met when I was a sophmore in college, he was younger than me at the time and we both had one thing on our minds....sex.sex.sex, and more sex. After that one night of sexual bliss we never spoke or seen eachother again until recently. He makes me happy without sex and I enjoy being around him, so since we have reunited I have been the one paying for dinner, tolls, gas and all of this takes a toll on someone that is not working and noooo i'm not doing anything illegal to get money or selling my body. But like I said it does take a toll on a person and I don't know if I'm doing too much too soon. We went out three times the first week and I told him that I didn't want to overdue it since I do like him and I don't want him to get tired of me. He agreed with what I said but in a good way. I like him because he is down to earth, charming, polite,caring, masculine, smart, aggressive, attractive from head to toe. We went to see Book of Eli he held me during the movie, there wasn't but a few people there so it was real intimate and it felt good being in his arms. The next date we went out to eat and on the way home we talked about kissing and having sex. He said that kissing was a sign of wanting to move on to the next step towards a relationship and should not just be done for no reason. He said that if you don't love or plan or being with someone then you shouldn't kiss them so that things will not get confused, he followed that by saying that his last relationship lasted 8 months and if me and him were still on it by the six month then he will move to the next step. I kinda agreed with him, I'm tired of the one and two month flings, so I asked what about sex and he said the longest he would wait would be three months and after that he getting it from someone else. I asked how can someone know that after the sex your not just going to dismis them and he said you just have to have trust. I replied ok cool. So after that date we seen eachother a few times but not as frequent. Some of the things I have done have been buying him a shirt cus it was his favorite color, makin sure he eat by offering to come take him to get food. I care for him
he has become the only one in my eye sight now, but I wonder if it's the same for him. So far it's been two weeks of us talking and going out, he realizes that I care about him an do want to be with him but we are taking out time with everything. Hopefully things will turnout for the best....he may have been what I have wanted all these years but who knows. But I do plan on getting a job asap and getting an apt by the time I graduate or by September. He said I should look for places in jersey city, and that was the first couple of days we started talking. It's been awhile since I felt this way about a person so I need a little advice, should I keep doing for him like I am or should I ease up? Should I carry my heart in my hand for him or should I keep it protected? I also just learned that he cuts his phone off everytime we go out and I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing???

I know that noahs arc is sooooo last century but I still love watchin it and hope that I can find something like what Wade and Noah had....well the good parts.

its been awhile since i posted but i need a lil advice.....im falling for someone but i think i am doing too much wat should i do ?