Love lost

For so long I have ran away from love and now that I have stopped running from love, love is running away from me. When love reared it's ugly face I would run as if I was running away from a burning building never looking back. I don't know if it was becasue I was young and was enjoying my sexual explorations and flirtatious ways...being attractive enough to have any guy..why settle for anything but the best. But I realized the best are doing the same, looking for the next best thing to be their trophy. After years of turning down guys invitations to love, romance and a wonderful relationship, I now seek it but not at the expense of having to settle for less than I deserve, I don't need someone rich or hella attractive. I just want them to be for me through the good the bad and the ugly moments....I can be unpleasant at times but who isn't????? I need that one dude that's gonna be there and have my back and be a man when i need him to be. I'm willing to open up and love the right one when they come along...I am no damn saint and have done my share of bad things in my younger days but now that I am older I look at that stuff and laugh and I want them to laugh at I with me. A lot of guys that want to be with make a lot of promises and say they will do this and that but I don't need all that, just be yourself and if it's meant to be it will be. Till this day I have dudes that will drop da draws if I wanted them to or would be my boyfriend with one call, I may sound conceited but I'm not. Sooo in ending this I want to apologize to all the guys and girls I have deceived and left hoping for something for somethig that would never be. I now know how it feels...I tell dudes all the time just cus I'm cute don't mean I'm everyones cup of tea...and everyone is not for me. Nonetheless inwill keep my hopes up because I'm gonna catch love and never let it go.